Saira - TI5 Page 4

  Maopa groaned loudly, opened one eye, and peered blearily at Mari.

  "What?" she grumbled. "Dang, first time in a hunnert years I felt tired. I fergot what it were like." She made a face. "An my mouth tastes awful."

  "Maopa," Mari said again, slightly frustrated. "Look." She pointed at the offending object.

  "Yeah? What about it? Yah be havin' yer monthly, that's all. Go ta sleep."

  "Monthly?"

  "Yah know. Means yah be at the breedin' time. Tain't nothin' ta worry about."

  "Oh, this is the 'curse' humans talk about, right?"

  "That be it. Now hows about we gets a little moah shuteye. Then I'll enlighten yah on this partic'lar affliction."

  Mari pointed at the sanitary napkin again and then tapped it tentatively with her index finger. "I can't sleep with this thing like that. It's uncomfortable. What do I do with it?"

  Maopa sighed. She sat up, reached down, and snapped the elastic around her spirit partner's right leg.

  "Nothin. Them thar undies are holdin' it quite nicely. When it's done filled up with blood, yah throws it away and puts in a new one. Yah oughta be grateful they makes them moah comfitable now. In mah day, twer whatever we could stuff down our drawers. Old rags was best, if'n we had them ta waste."

  Mari felt her eyes almost roll back in her head at the thought of stuffing rags in her panties. She didn't even want to imagine what else might be used.

  "Where do I throw this away and find another one? I thought humans were more advanced than this," she said irritably, "or at least more evolved."

  Now it was time for Maopa to roll her eyes. "Oh Lordy. I think yer gonna be in fer a few surprises in the next few weeks, sugah."

  Obviously, they'd never get any more sleep until the situation was resolved to Mari's satisfaction, and Maopa knew that wasn't going to happen for a few days.

  "Come on. Some of this be new tah me too. We might as well be gettin' yah took care of. I just hopes my grandchild ain't gonna start her monthly too." She grabbed Mari's hand and pulled her from the bed and into the bathroom. "Thank goodness we knowed about plumbin' and such. Bein' one of them voheeyurs helps a whole bunch even if'n it do seem a little preverted.

  "Okay, yah take a shower, and I'll scrounge around fer moah of them thar paddins."

  Maopa wasn't sure, but she could have sworn Mari mumbled a few curse words as she walked awkwardly toward the bathroom.

  Mari pulled off her panties and pad, tossed them in the small trashcan by the toilet, and then turned on the shower. After she climbed in, she slumped against the far wall.

  Maopa rummaged through a few cabinet drawers and quickly located an opened pack of feminine pads. She smiled. Mari was definitely going to remember this experience.

  "Make shore yah dries off good!" she yelled over the sound of running water. "I'll be a huntin' fer some of them fancy undies yer chil' seems ta preefer. And don'tcha go throwin' away anymore of them clothes now... just that thar pad. I doubt yoh daughter has enough undies ta last till we goes home."

  Mari scrubbed her entire body with a large sponge that had been hanging on the shower head. The warm water soothed the muscles that hurt for some reason, and soon she felt her body relaxing.

  "If this is what being human feels like, I won't last three weeks."

  "Trust me, sugah, this be nothin' compared ta what yer gonna be feelin'," Maopa said, remembering the years she suffered through her cycles.

  Grumbling to herself, Mari stepped from the tub and grabbed the soft white towel hanging on the rack. She quickly dried herself and tossed it on the floor just as Maopa walked back in.

  "Yah can't just toss yer thangs on the floor like that when yah be done."

  "Where do I put it?"

  After pointing to a large, white basket in the corner, Maopa picked up the wet towel and placed it inside.

  "These be fer the clothes yah wore. A maid gets them later and washes them fer us. At least that's what I heerd humans do nowadays. Used tah be slaves or servents did that sorta thang. Just be grateful yah don't has ta do the scrubbin'."

  Mari was about to comment when she belatedly realized she and Maopa were communicating verbally. Frowning, she tried to talk to her through mental images and failed.

  "What be botherin' yah now?"

  "We're talking."

  "Well tarnation, woman. How else would we be a jabberin'?"

  "No. I mean we're talking. I can't hear your thoughts, and you can't hear mine."

  "What did yah expect? We be human now. Humans talk. That be why they's so messed up, I figgers."

  "Great. Some vacation this is turning out to be."

  Mari wasn't sure why she was feeling so awful. Her stomach hurt, her back ached, and a slight pounding pain in her head was making her extremely irritable. Rubbing her stomach absentmindedly, she stared longingly at the bed in the next room.

  "Maybe we can just stay in bed and call someone to bring us food," she said.

  "Now, now. Don't be frettin' none. I promise yah, you'll be feelin' a whole lot better in a few days. Monthlies always makes yah irreetable. They calls it ‘p.m.s.ing' nowadays. We jest called it the curse. I heered they gots stuff yah can take ta ease it up a bit. I use ta chug a pint a likker ta cure my aches and pains."

  Looking around, Maopa found several small bottles of pills on the counter near the sink. She picked up each one and squinted at the instructions.

  "Lordy, yah oughta see how tiny this here printin' be and the stuff they puts in these here jars. Words got more letters than the dikshuneerie. Can't be good fer yah."

  Deciding on one specifically mentioning pain and headaches on the label, she pulled on the lid. When it failed to open, she eyeballed it closely and noticed two small arrows.

  "I'll be danged. They done made it soes yah has ta match them two errers ta open this thang."

  "I imagine some humans are a little slow and need help to figure it out."

  "Ta take a lid off? If'n they jest screwed the top on, no one'd need larnin' or help. Here yah go, sugah. Says ta take two with water and it keels the pain."

  Mari tossed the small red capsules into her mouth and washed them down with water.

  Maopa led her back to the bed and pushed her down on the mattress. "Yah lie back, and I'll get yah somethin' ta wear. Them pills oughta be makin' yah feel better in a bit."

  Chuckling to herself, Maopa searched through the drawers and closet for anything big enough to fit Mari in Yemaya's long body. Finding nothing, she scowled.

  "Gall darn it." She glanced around the room. Two large leather boxes sat on a chair in the corner. She opened one and saw several jeans and shirts folded and packed in clear plastic bags.

  "Yoh daughter shore do like ta keep thangs neat."

  She pulled out a pair of old jeans and a tee shirt, placed them next to Mari, and patted her shoulder sympathetically.

  "Yah just lie thar, and I'll find yah some undies."

  She opened a dresser drawer and found piles of colorful underwear. After pulling a few out, she held them up and chuckled.

  "Dang. Not much to them. And I ain't never seed so many deleekits in my life, all neat and orderly like. Some must be Dakota's. I useta have ta go without, most times. Tweren't nothing to it and it felt kinda liberatin'."

  "It would be a little hard to hold this pad in place without them." Mari was unable to work up any interest in what kind of underwear Dakota wore.

  "Yeah. Guess that be why they has so many here."

  Choosing a bright red pair, she held it up to the light and pulled on the sides a few times. "I figger they be fittin yah fine the way they stretches. Yah put these on and them thar garments, and I be taken a quick shower. Be back in a jiffy."

  Ten minutes later, she returned, dressed in worn jeans and a tank top. Mari was still stretched out partially naked on the bed, one hand on her stomach and her other arm flung over her eyes to block the light.

  "Yah be okay, darlin'?" Maopa whispered, leaning down to ca
ress her spirit lover's cheek with her fingertips.

  Mari sat up and blinked a few times, surprised that she actually did feel okay. Smiling, she clasped Maopa's hand and drew it to her lips. "A lot better, thanks. Is this normal?"

  Standing, she quickly pulled on the jeans and tee shirt. She wrapped her arms around Maopa, pulled her close, and held her for a few minutes, enjoying the warmth and softness of the woman in her embrace.

  "Normal fer most," Maopa said, her voice muffled against the firm breasts. It had been a long time since she had felt so human, and she now realized how much she had missed the physical touch of another person.

  "Adjusting to the spirit world must have been hard for you," Mari said, sensing her lover's thoughts. "I can see why humans enjoy embracing each other."

  "Tain't nothing like it. Although they be some thangs a lot more enjoyable."

  "Then I look forward to you showing me."

  The grin Mari gave Maopa sent a warm tingle straight to her groin, causing her to groan.

  "You okay?" Mari bent her knees slightly to make eye contact. "I hope this 'curse' isn't contagious."

  "Oh, it be catchin', alrighty, but no, I ain't havin' my monthly yet. If'n I'm right though, it'll be comin' on soon."

  "I should have taken more interest in women's evolution." Mari mentally kicked herself for neglecting her responsibilities. "I'd have made men have these things too."

  "Too late fer that, but it probably woulda made them a little wiser... or a whole lot moah whiney."

  "It's never too late for some things. One way or another, I'm going to make sure men get to experience —" Mari was interrupted by a ringing sound.

  "Now what?"

  "That be the teleephone. I seed my grandchil' using these thangs." Maopa walked over to the device and picked it up. "Howdy. This be Mao... ummm... Miz Devereaux's place."

  "Dakota? Is that you?" a male voice asked.

  "Shore nuff."

  "You don't sound like yourself. This is Sonny."

  "Must be this here cold," Maopa said, faking a cough.

  "Sorry to hear that. You really need to do something about it. Take some Nyquil. That'll make you feel better."

  "Nyqueel?"

  "Damn Dakota. You're either on some good meds or you're sicker than you realize. Is Yemaya in? I'll give her a list of everything you'll need to take care of that cold. Can't let one of my favorite gals suffer, now can I?"

  "No, sir... I mean... oh, don't mind me. Yemaya's right here."

  Covering the mouthpiece, Maopa pushed it toward Mari. "It be Yemaya's agent, Sonny."

  "Shit." Taking the phone, Mari stared at it as if it were alive and then put it cautiously to her ear. "Sonny?"

  "Hey, Yemaya. You really need to do something about Dak. She sounds awful."

  "I'm taking good care of her, Sonny. What can I do for you?"

  "As always, straight to the point. I heard your show was a great success. Congratulations."

  "Thanks."

  "Never one for words, are you? Anyway, I wanted to see if you've given any more thought to the European tour. I know you keep talking about retirement, but you're on a roll, and several people are clamoring for a commitment."

  "How about I get back with you in a week or two? I've just finished this show and don't feel like making a decision right now. Dakota and I are going to take some time off before committing to anything."

  "That's cool. No use doing something you'll regret. The others can wait. Like they have any say in the matter. Besides, if we play things right, I'm sure they'll up their offers," Sonny said. "Speaking of which, I need to go over some of your finances, but there's another call coming through from Hong Kong and I have to take it. I'll phone you in a day or two. Tell Dakota to take care of that cold. Bye."

  Before Mari could reply, Sonny had hung up. She turned to look at Maopa. "You know, I'm not so sure this was such a good idea after all. I haven't a clue what Yemaya has in mind for her future."

  "Well, sugah, I guess we jest gonna have ta fakes it like we done before. Don't yah worry none. We'll just keep low for the next few weeks."

  "Good idea." Mari placed the phone in its receptacle. "Still, I don't want to play hermit. After all, this is a completely new experience for me. I'd like to take advantage of the opportunity to do a few things before we go back."

  "Ya jest name it, and by golly we'll do it." Maopa figured it would be a hoot seeing how Mari handled being human.

  "Do you think we could go to a movie?" Mari said. "I think I'd like to see one. You know, enjoy the whole experience — Coke, candy, popcorn."

  "Why, tarnation, I was thinkin the same thang. I ain't never seed one. It'll be a real kick in the pants. We kin eat all that thar junk food. I heerd movies be nighttime thangs."

  * * *

  Giggling with an almost girlish anticipation, they checked out the neighborhood while there was daylight so they could familiarize themselves with the area. Several hours and five hotdogs later, they returned to the apartment, tired but happy. Mari quickly adapted to monitoring her sanitary napkins and was anxious to see her first movie.

  "That Willie fella shore was generous with his wieners once he knowed who yah was."

  "It was nice of him to give us some, especially since we didn't have any money. We'd better figure out where Yemaya and Dakota keep some if we're going to do things around here."

  "Fer shore. From what I recollects, most folk keeps it in small leather thangs... wallets they calls them. I seed one on Dakota's table next to the bed this mornin'."

  Maopa walked into the bedroom and quickly returned waving a small leather object. "This here be a wallet, I'm thankin'."

  "Good. Now what movie should we see?"

  "Willie says they puts a list of them shows in the paper under entertainin'. He shore gave me a funny look when I asked 'bout it. Let's look and see what be playin'."

  Glancing at the movie listings, Maopa ran her finger past several titles until she came across one with three Xs.

  "This'un must be reeel good. They has three Xs by it. I'm a guessin' that means extra special like."

  "That would make sense. We can call one of those cabs to take us. Did you find any money in that wallet? I doubt if the cab or movie people will be as nice as Willie."

  "Yep. Well, he shore is gonna have somethin' to tell his missus, ain't he? Givin' the Illusionist freebies cuz she ain't got no money."

  "I just hope Yemaya doesn't hear about it. I don't think she'd like finding out she's on a handout list. Anyway, let's go. It says the movie begins in an hour."

  * * *

  Maopa opened Dakota's wallet, and both peered at the money inside, let out simultaneous whoops, and smiled happily at each other. Within moments, they were out the door and flagging down a taxi. When the cabbie asked them their destination, they showed him the advertisement. Maopa pointed at the address.

  "We wants ta go thar."

  The slight widening of his eyes would have been a giveaway to most people. Coughing slightly, the cabbie blushed. "You ladies must be new to Baltimore. You sure that's where you want to go?"

  "Shore nuff. This be an XXX movie, ain't it?"

  "It's that alright."

  "Then we wants to go see it."

  "It's your money, ladies."

  Twenty minutes later, he dropped them in front of an old dilapidated building. Three large posters showing two semi-nude women in intimate poses hung on the dirty windows. Below the titles was the phrase, "Woman on Woman Action! Two Babes Battle Interstellar Aliens Trying to Take Over Planet Earth!"

  "A sci-fi," Mari exclaimed, enthusiastically. "I've always wanted to see one of those."

  "Me too."

  Two hours later, they emerged and strode toward the main boulevard.

  "Well, if'n that be a good movie, I ain't in no hurry to see a bad un."

  "Neither am I. Those aliens looked damn ridiculous, and the acting wasn't even believable."

  "Fer shore. That were the mos
t piteeful thang I ever seed. Now who'd go believin them Marshuns had three peckers like that, let alone wantun folks to thank women folk would be havin' somethin' to do with anythang like that. Pfffft. Only good thang was that popcorn stuff and the babe on babe ackshown. Them gals shore knows how to make whoopee. Why some of them thar pohsitions looked downright painful. Ain't no way I coulda done that when I had the rumatiz."